I have watched the CATS trailer seven times, and there is nothing but cursed energy in the preview for the musical-to-film adaptation. Where does one even begin? With the cat boobs? With Taylor Swift’s bedazzled can of catnip? Idris Elba wearing a cat jacket? I don’t know. I’m completely lost on the whole thing, so let’s just do a sweeping overview.
CATS is somehow the fourth longest running show on Broadway, which I can believe because this trailer took a good five years off my life. The entire preview is haunted by a surprisingly good rendition of “Memory,” sung by Jennifer Hudson, whose cat counterpart looks like she’s having the absolute worst time. From there, it all just goes to shit so quickly. While the technology is supposed to be state of the art, I think art needs to take a break, do a lap, and come back when it’s actually ready. Everything about this film looks terrifying, and not in a fun horror movie way.
For those unaware, CATS is a musical about a tribe of cats named the Jellicles, who are hoping to be chosen to be reborn in a new life by a super old cat named Old Deuteronomy. There’s also a super old cat who no one likes. That’s Jennifer Hudson. It’s a thing.
Joining Hudson is a slew of other cats. This cast is just wild—Ian McKellen, Idris Elba, Taylor Swift, Jason Derulo, Rebel Wilson, James Corden, and Judi Dench are all haunting cat versions of themselves, having sold their souls for Tom Hooper’s cruelest blow to the felis genus since Egyptians started burying cats with their dead rulers. Most unfortunately is Dench, who narrowly escaped being attached to the original West End performance after snapping her Achilles’ tendon. After seeing this trailer, I wish that God had afforded her the same mercy twice.
Anyway, it’s out in December. By then, my night terrors should cease, but if you’re into hairy human cats jumping on beds and moving in a way reminiscent of a love child from an alien and a wacky inflatable man at a car lot, check out the trailer below.