In a groundbreaking moment for humanity, the first human has finally set foot on Mars. But instead of groundbreaking science, groundbreaking selfies seem to be the priority. It turns out that the Martian landing is not about unraveling the mysteries of the red planet; it’s about Instagram likes and Snapchat stories.
The historic event began with the usual fanfare: a space capsule dramatically descending onto the Martian surface, a puff of red dust, and the emergence of our intrepid astronaut, Major Tom “Influencer” Johnson. Clad in a shiny spacesuit adorned with stickers from various brands, it was evident that Major Tom had different priorities than the scientists back at mission control.
As the dust settled and the world watched with bated breath, Major Tom did something that no one expected. Instead of setting up scientific instruments or collecting rock samples, he took out his smartphone and tried to connect to the Martian Wi-Fi network.
“Can anyone tell me the password for MarsWi-Fi?” Major Tom tweeted, instantly garnering hundreds of retweets. “Can’t explore a new planet without streaming the experience, right? #MarsAdventure #NoSignal.”
Mission control, perplexed and slightly irritated, replied, “Major Tom, we’re here to conduct experiments and advance human knowledge, not for Martian Netflix and chill.”
But Major Tom was undeterred. He went on to livestream his first steps on Mars, taking dramatic, slow-motion strides through the rusty terrain while uttering profound lines like, “One small step for man, one giant leap for my social media followers.” The video featured numerous product placements, including a conspicuous can of “Space Soda” that miraculously floated beside him.
Major Tom’s Twitter feed quickly filled with comments from his loyal followers. “Looking great, Major! #OOTD” and “Is that a Gucci helmet?” were among the many fawning remarks.
In a surprising twist, Major Tom unveiled his plans for a “Mars mansion,” which he intends to build using nothing but Martian soil and his extensive collection of designer space tools. “I’m bringing luxury to the red planet,” he declared. “Who needs gravity when you have a view like this?”
Meanwhile, scientists back on Earth were tearing their hair out, wondering if the quest for knowledge had been hijacked by the quest for likes and retweets. One scientist lamented, “We spent billions of dollars on this mission, and all we got were selfies and Martian hashtags.”
As Major Tom continued to prioritize his newfound Martian influencer career over science, it became clear that this historic mission would go down in history not for its scientific discoveries but for its shameless self-promotion. Welcome to the age of “Mars-tagram,” where the red planet is just another backdrop for the ultimate social media adventure.